I am thankful

Thankful: conscious of benefit received.

So I'll admit, I've recently become obsessed with looking up the definitions of words with my Merriam-Webster app, so naturally, on Thanksgiving, I looked up the definition of "thankful" and I was struck by the sweet truth above.

Today, I sat for a while and thought of all the things I am thankful for (based on the definition above), and as much as I would love to say that I am truly "conscious of benefit received", I'm really not. I don't take much time out of life to sit and make myself conscious of all the benefits I've received. So as I went through my day, I practiced. I practiced making myself conscious. My favorite definition of "conscious"? "personally felt". I practiced putting my heart in a position to personally feel each moment and benefit; the breath of life in the morning, the temple the Lord has blessed me with, the host family He perfectly placed me in, a phone call from a beloved friend, car rides filled with prayer (in a car I don't deserve), seeing the faces of the rednecks who raised me, hugging my sweet grandma, the laughter after my dad spilt the stuffing all over himself, and the list goes on. Today I personally felt all the moments and benefits I don't deserve, and for that, I am thankful.

Sitting here, counting my blessings, the root of them all screams out to me. Jesus. I would have none of it without Jesus. So I sit, in tears, in true consciousness of the benefit I have received. LIFE. He died so I would have life. He died so that I would get to experience true joy, hope, humility and love. Out of love He died, to display His love, so I could experience His love. I am thankful for His love, because let me tell you, I do not deserve it. Today, I can firmly say through my tears of reverence, I am "conscious of benefit received", love.

Prior to today, my relationship with the Lord consisted of me telling Him what I needed Him to do for me and me getting upset when it didn't happen when I wanted it to. Rarely did I ever just sit and thank Him for everything He has already done when He was never even obligated to do any of it. He never had to send His Son to save us all from the hell-bound lives we were living, but He did...and man am I thankful He did. Here is the thing, if we lived lives that were driven by the true reverence we had for all the Lord has already done for us, I doubt we would ever really ask for much. If we were genuinely thankful, HE would be enough for us. Yes, we have many desires in our hearts for things, I'm not saying you should go and attempt to fulfill those desires on your own, they were God given desires that are to be fulfilled BY God. If you are walking in His will, He will take care of you. He is faithful and always will be, no matter what suffering is thrown our way, we get to react out of the overflow of gratitude and know that it will all be worked together for our good. All this is easier said then done, and for that I am quite thankful we have a grace-filled God and not an angry one. Understand that I am not saying we should never ask Him for things, He clearly says we are to ask, what I am saying is that we need to ask out of hearts that have a true reverence for all that has already been given to us. Healthy asking. Asking out of thankful hearts. Oxymoron much? Ha, I love that I serve an oxymoron God, He breaks all the rules this world has developed. He is untamed and uncomprehendable.

God knows when we need something,  He would never withold what we needed and His timing is perfect, but He also wants us to want His will. For example, when I am in seasons of my life that I feel stuck and trapped, I ask Him for help, and simply asking causes humility to rise up in me because by asking I am admiting I can't do it alone. He wants us to want HIM. As humans, asking is easy for us, but when you ask with a truly thankful heart, we can't avoid the humilty. While I was spending the day practicing being conscious of the benefits I have recieved, at any point that I asked Him for anything, I could feel the sweet sting of humility. I had reverence of all He has already done for me, and I was asking with a heart posture that admited I still needed His help, I will always need His help.


"Conscious of benefit receieved" = understanding that I deserve hell but He's given me a life of  joy and love instead.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."

1 Chronicles 16:34 NIV

 picture of the day:

not exactly his craftsman:)