He is making me whole.

I have reccently realized that the season I am currently in with the Lord is growing and shifting. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am entering into an entirely new season but rather just adding a new component. A new revelation that the Lord has used to propel me forward. The idea of becoming whole.

Whole: 1. free of wound or injury; unhurt; recovered from a wound or injury; restored; being healed.

After looking up the multiple definitions of whole, I was moved to tears by what Merriam-Webster had to say about the matter. The definition above screams restoration and redemption to me. I wear many scars on my flesh and also among my heart, that mark moments in the past where my rock bottom was deeper then I ever imagined. Moments where either I brought myself there or others had drug me along to places I should have never had to see. But, as dark and sinful as in all was, I couldn't be more thankful that I was brought there. I am truly humbled by how faithful my God is to always leave me a way out. There is ALWAYS a way out, no matter how deep you think you are. Once out, I get to choose to lay it all down at the feet of my redeeming King. He takes my wounds, injuries and scars and turns them into badges of honor. I get to walk around, not hiding, but rather showing off my scars and declaring how my God has redeemed and restored me. Badges of honor that prove His love for me. I am being healed. He takes my brokeness and turns it into beautiful. Through my wounds I get to show girls who are walking through the same brokeness I took a decent amount of time stuck in, that true redemption lives. Through the work He has done in me, I am blessed to be a walking testimony that there is a God in heaven who adores us and wants nothing more then to make us whole.

Whole: 2. having all its proper parts or components; complete.

Last week, I had a very powerful meeting with my youth pastor that revealed the false source of which I had been seeking wholeness. It is safe to say, that majority of the scars I wear are results of broken, ungodly relationships that took place in my past. As the brokeness rotted, it evolved into the unstable foundation on which I stood in view of men and relationships with them. My vision was so blurry that while my pastor was asking me questions about men and relationships, my answers began contradicting themselves. As we dug deeper, slowly but surely, my unstable foundation was crumbling. It didn't take long till we found the rotten root. [The root: everything about relationships is wrong and I am not complete without a man]. I am pleased that I am able to laugh about it now but it is actually quite heartbreaking to me that I believed that self contradicting nonsense. It was never, NEVER, God's plan that a man would complete me, no matter how much our culture wants to convince me otherwise. A man can add to me but never complete me, that position is for Jesus alone to fill. The purpose of a husband is to add to what is already whole and complete between the Lord and I. My attention should be so completely set on the Lord alone that my husband will have to go through the Lord to get to me. My husband will be the nitrous to my engine. The car in running perfectly fine without him and if he were to leave, everything would still be running perfectly. He will serve as my extra boost and I as his. My husband will never be able to permenately fill my holes. He is capable of filling them for a short time but it will never last, it will never be enough. Luckily for him, it isn't his responsibility anyway, my holes are God shaped holes, that only HE can fill. ONLY God holds the "proper parts" and "compenents" that can complete me.

The reason for this season: to figuratively be alone in a room with the Lord and believe not only that He will restore&redeem my scars and fill my holes but also to believe Him when He tells me the truth of my worth, beauty and identity. Thus, embarking on the journey towards Him making me whole.

"I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:22-23 NIV

"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4 NIV

picture of the day:

"iBanana"