"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
Praise Jesus. Understanding grace is like trying to comprehend how big the universe is. It's just one of those things that humans will never be able to explain. All I know is this; grace is the free gift of God to an undeserving people, there is nothing we can do to earn it because it isn't earned, it's given.
December is my favorite month. I adore the Christmas season and all that comes with it; the lights, the tree, candy canes, hot chocolate, time with family and the cool crisp winter weather. December is the month of giving, which also makes it a month of receiving, which brings me to my point. Although I love December and giving gifts to the ones I love, I am terrible at receiving. It has been an issue ever since I was a young gal. I hate asking for things and the concept of having something given to me makes me so uncomfortable, I could die. When something is given to me, I instantly feel like I have to give something in return. And on top of Christmas, my birthday falls in the beloved month of December which makes it a month loaded with receiving. As it grows closer to my birthday, I can just feel the Lord getting ready to take this issue down because you see, those who bless others will be blessed. By me not receiving gifts, I am robbing my loved ones of the blessing.
This issue with receiving has toppled over into my relationship with the Lord. I often struggle with unforgiveness towards myself. For some reason I am so extremely hard on myself, it's unbearable. I find myself frequently working to earn forgiveness... But that's how I was raised. I was raised by a hard-working man and woman, who basically believed that you have to work hard in order to get anywhere in life. I love and adore my parents very much and I am so thankful for how hard they have worked to raise my dear sister and I, but that's not how it works in God economy. No amount of righteous acts or works can earn me grace.
If I am unable to receive a gift as simple as a gift card on my birthday, with the correct heart posture, then how in the world will I be able to receive the free gift of grace given by my God? My problem with receiving goes so much deeper then I ever thought. Once you arrive at the true root of it, it becomes clear that it boils down to me not understanding my worth through the eyes of Jesus... The only opinion that matters. This rises up out of my pride which is only but a fruit of my deepest insecurities. My pride tells me that my issues are too big and that they weren't covered by what Jesus did on the cross. Which really only mocks the God that I claim to serve. How humbling. I recently caught myself believing that the "free" part only applies to everyone else and that for some reason, I am excluded from that promise. LIE. When it is exposed, it sounds quite foolish. I laugh through my tears as my God whispers "Listen goofball, when are you going to get that you are worth it?" He is so sweet to me even after the pride that covers my lack of understanding my worth, mocks Him. Thank you Jesus that you understand I am merely a human.
Too often do I hear of people believing the same lie. For some reason they think that God loves and died for everyone else but them. That they have messed up too bad to get grace. What a lie. Yes, we are dust. Who are we that God could ever show compassion on us? Who knows WHY He does, all I know is THAT He does. NOTHING exempts us from the promise. We don't have to be qualified to follow Him. If we choose Jesus and repent of our sins, HE qualifies US. What if, at the same time we understood that we were dust, we understood our worth through the eyes of Jesus? It's a hard concept to grasp but when you are humble to admit that you are dust and that you can't do it alone, Jesus swoops in and saves the day, He tells you the truth about yourself. That yes, you are made from dust, but He loves you and died for you. When I lay down at night and think of all the things that the world would say is wrong with me, King Jesus tells me otherwise. The things I hate about myself, He shows me that they were designed for good and that He is enthralled with my beauty. NOTHING excludes me from His promise. NOTHING excludes me from His FREE gift. No amount of righteous acts earn me grace. It can't be earned. I could work hard my entire life for the things of this earth but I can't work to earn the things of heaven. The only work I can do is the work on my heart.
When I understand my worth, I understand that nothing except for unrepentant sin, excludes me from the promise. That it's not that everyone else is better then me, therefore I have to step it up and work harder then everyone to even get to taste a hint of grace and forgiveness. Grace is given. not earned. I get grace because my God is good, not because I am.
Thank you Jesus for all that you've done for me. Thank you for your gift of grace. Please help me to receive it.
Bring it on, December :)
I adore long walks with my sweet pup.
